Dear Diary,

nakaka pagod :( nakakapagod maghintay sa wala, he always says mubawi siya pero wa ghapon, sige na lang tag sabot,niya wa ghapon, way ayoo :( unsa man ni. ngano mag sige mag kog pugos sa ako kaugalingon sa iyaha nya mismo di kaya magbinag-o, bisan para lang unta sa iya kaugalingon.. gibuhat na nako tanan. nya, ako gihapon mahimong dautan ani. ako na gane maayo ako na nagsabot niya ako pay mali. :( ako jud expect sauna . nindot amo relation kay siya ako gipili kaysa ni D, pero murag wa ghapon oy :( mas malipay man siya kung muadto xa sa iya  barkada oyy. :( unsa pa man ako mabuhat para tagaan sad kog niyag time bisan whole day ako tanan niya pila ka adlaw sa iya barkada na lang, :( hay LORD, gikapoy na kog hunahuna :( mayta ma busy na ko oy. para di  nako maghuna huna ani :( ako nasad untay busy lord oi.. gi cancel nako ang photoshoot kay plano mag uban mi nya wa japun :( tsk3..

mao na ingon nila, sabton na lang nako siya pirmi, pero ako pangutana. hangtod asa? kanang mawala na ako love niya? dahh ambot :( lord oi... help me :(

ako na lang hunahunaon ako pag eskwela, akong photoshoot, akong family... kay bisag sa ako kaugalingon wa ko kahbaw iya sad ba ka ko gihunahuna,, gihunahuna siguro ko, pero sa lahi na butang unlike sa iya mga barkada.

magselos jud sa iya bestfriend, noon, mas dugay sila nagkauban og nagkaila wa koy mahems jud.

mag focus na lang ko sa ako self interest. mao ni ilang ingon.

we should love ourselves first before others hearts.

Gotta Go My Own Way

I gotta say what's on my mind

Something about us

Doesn't seem right these days

Life keeps getting in the way

Whenever we try, somehow the plan

Is always rearranged

It's so hard to say

But I've gotta do what's best for me

You'll be okay

I've go to move on and be who I am

I just don't belong here, I hope you understand

We might find a place in this world someday

But at least for now, I gotta go my own away

I'm leaving today

'Cause I gotta do what's best for me

You'll be okay

What about us?

What about everything we've been through?

What about trust?

You know I never wanted to crush you

And what about me?

What am I supposed to do?

I gotta leave but I'll miss you

 

you're in my head

I wanna live on a heart shaped island

putting this puzzle together

    I’ve always been able to control everything, except for my heart, especially around you. When you walk into a room, there is no controlling that light-headed feeling along with a serious bout of butterflies. No matter how many times my head has tried to talk myself out of you, it seems to me, that love conquers all sorts of rationality.

    The womanizer, the guy I swore I’d never fall for, that is you. I didn’t want to be just another girl in your stable chock-full of women. But we have a deep friendship that runs past our sexual attraction to one another. That other night on the beach, I felt like you and I were best friends, yet the sexual tension could have been cut with a knife. I longed so much to just passionately kiss you, but I couldn’t for fear of the aftermath. Your persistence on the speed of the relationship last time messed up a lot of things. You proved not to be ready for any sort of serious commitment, and now you may be, but I’m far too afraid to ask. I want you and your heart so terribly bad, but my fear of rejection is crippling me.

    We’ve had our ups and down. I’ve convinced myself I hated you, I’ve convinced myself you didn’t care about me. I’ve told all my friends that you are a big idiot, a silly guy who I could do much better than, and they agree. But I always let you right back in. It is like you are the only person who I’ve ever given a key to my heart. You know my goals, my hopes, my fears, my struggles. I can try to hide them from you with my sharp words and short answers, but you are the only one who seems to be able to read the thoughts right behind my eyes. But with you, I never really know. Could your charm be deceiving me into thinking that you really care? That is what my head tells me, night after night. But when you remember my favorite book and my feelings and ask me about my family and tell me you believe in me, it is hard to think that you are just trying to sleep with me.

   Our run-around has gone on for over a year, and I just want us to be together. I think you are finally getting in a state where you can handle a relationship, and I don’t want anyone else. I can’t say I will wait for you, but my heart knows I will. I’m so afraid you will fall for someone else, but then when you call me to tell me silly stories my fears melt away.

   When I see you, the feelings are intensified even more. It is so hard for me to resist you, and I wonder if you feel the same way. And even if you do, I wonder if you are too afraid to do anything about it. A womanizer like you can’t possibly give his heart to just one girl, settle down, can he? I don’t know, but I would love to feel what a real relationship would be like with you. We both know it would work and be magical, but we are mutually afraid to fall.

    You are my puzzle. I can control every other aspect of my life, but my feelings for you never seem to dwindle. I just wish we could start putting this puzzle together.

You came into my life unexpectedly. I never thought that I would be feeling this way again. You make my days so great and brighten up my life once again.

I'm ready

It’s only been a day since I met you but I miss you already and I still cant stop thinking about our first date. It was awkward and clumsy and we didn’t have much to say. But I felt something. For a long time there hasn’t been a lurch in my stomach - and now its there again.

I stared into your eyes and I literally got lost in your gaze while we were talking. For a while there it seemed like all you did was to move your mouth without breathing a word. Nothing you said was going into my head because i was so enamored with how cute you are. Your face. Your face.

I don’t know where this is going. I haven’t the slightest clue about the real you but I like you with such vibrato with such intensity that its scaring me. Maybe all the unused feelings I had for the past year of being alone has been poured into you simply because there isn’t any other outlet. But that’s just me being logical. Being logical about feelings that are so illogical I laugh at myself because I find the entire concept of falling head over heels utter nonsense. It’s ridiculous.

Maybe its just lust but I think about your touch all the time. I think about holding you to sleep - about licking your tongue and tasting your lips.

You keep smiling. You smile and for the duration prior, during and after its like the world's a better place just because your lips curved. I don’t know why but somehow you're the answer to stagnation in my life right now. Nothing is going on. I’m just going through the motions and in a way you've given me reason to look forward to tomorrow again.

It scares me that I like you so much even though I barely know you. I desperately want to be a larger part of your life and I’d rather die than have nothing to talk about when we meet. Please be my shot at happiness. I’m ready this time.